Regaining lost ground

[Laurie Collins]

" Are you… I mean, did you talk to anybody about it, afterwards? It’s hard, the first time… I mean, not that we make a habit of it, I mean it’s especially hard… or, well, not that it really gets easier, but… I’m gonna shut up about this now before I did this hole any deeper, OK?"

Laurie blinks at him, too surprised by this sudden swing to awkwardness in Bob’s attitude to respond or even process most of what he’s saying. Am I making him nervous? she thinks, then winces slightly at her thought, right because most people are so cheery talking about killing people. Not everything’s about you. She just shakes her head silently in response to his first question. Who do you talk about accidentally killing someone with your crazy super-human abilities? Especially when everyone else with the same problem has it so much worse?

"Wait, wait, wait, slow down there. You make it sound like you screwed up. You didn’t…. I’ve sent Toni on field missions, for Christ’s sake. She’s bullet-proof and can punch her way through armor plate. I don’t care how it makes you feel, if one of you’s gonna get stabbed, it should be her every time."

“But no one should have gotten stabbed or shot or anything.” she protests, “If I’d… I could have made them go to sleep instead of being scared. I could have stopped that soldier from even wanting to stab her… but I don’t even really want that much control. I just want to know how to…turn it off.” the second bit she leaves unsaid but in shows on her face, and how horrible is it that we could stand here and talk about who should get stabbed next time, like it’ll happen again, like you think it will.

"Besides, from what you just said, you provided cover for yourself and a wounded teammate and others to get you all out of a danger zone before anybody else was hurt… with hardly any training and a power you can barely control. Damn, I wish I’d done half as good when Stryker invaded… you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of."

Laurie shakes her head, biting her lower lip for a moment before she speaks. “Is that what this place is? Are we all supposed to go out and…” she waves her hands vaguely, obviously unsure of the right terminology in this sea of ‘field teams’ and ‘missions’ “Fight things? Everyone here talks about being on the X-men like it’s some kind of reward. I mean even you sound like it’s normal to think about getting shot at as a mission with all that terminology and…and stuff. Do we have any other choices? Do colleges even let mutants in?” she blushes as she realizes her sudden stream of questions could have been perceived as rude, even insulting to the Institute and mutants both of which are obviously important to Bob. Guess I should have thought about life as a mutant beyond shutting myself up in an apartment somewhere and waiting for a cure before I came here.

“I’m sorry.” she apologizes again, taking a step back and looking away. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I didn’t mean… I really do know you’re the last person I should be whining to and I didn’t mean there was anything wrong with the X-men or the Institute or anything I just… it’s harder to hold it all back here where everyone’s so…” she gestures towards a boy about a year older than herself who’s showing off for a girl by changing nearby machines different colors with his mind so that they camouflage with or stand out from their surroundings. Harder to hold it back. Matthew springs into her mind and she covers her mouth unconsciously with a hand to stop anything else from coming out.

[Bobby Drake]

(( OOC: Absurdly long… sorry! ))

> " But no one should have gotten stabbed or shot or anything. If I’d… I could have made them go to sleep instead of being scared. I could have stopped that soldier from even wanting to stab her… "

"I didn’t say you couldn’t do better. I said you did really well for someone as new to your powers as you are. Which you did. But you’re right, you have the potential to neutralize threats like that with nobody getting hurt, and next – I mean, if you ever find yourself in a position like that, you’ll know better."

The words come easily, and Bobby realizes with some chagrin that he’s repeating almost word-for-word the speech Scott gave him after his first Danger Room session. Wait up, this is crazy… how did I get to be the one giving pep-talks? It seems especially absurd given how useless he’s been lately.

Then again, who else is going to? Sheppard’s got less field experience than even I do, Logan’s perpetually out of town, Scott’s dead. Storm, sure, but she’s got a lot on her plate right now. We can’t count on the “grownups” to do everything; there ain’t enough of them to go around. The whole thing feels way too much like that treadmill he just got off of – you run as fast as you can just to keep up, you hope that’s enough, and you know sometimes it won’t be.

> " but I don’t even really want that much control. I just want to know how to…turn it off"

Bobby can’t help an exasperated sigh, which he regrets immediately. "I’m sorry," he adds hastily and sincerely. "I don’t mean to give you a hard time about it or anything… and hell, you’re sure not the only one. I felt that way at first, and there’s plenty of folks at the Institute who would “cure” themselves in a minute if they found a treatment that took. " It’s hard for him to remember when he’d first arrived at the Institute scared half to death that he’d accidentally kill someone with his powers. It wasn’t even that long ago, really, it just feels like he’s lived lifetimes since. But he can’t forget the day Rogue went in for the Cure… and it’s not like she was the only one.

"But…" he hesitates, not sure he really wants to finish the thought, then shrugs his shoulders and plows on. "…the thing is, Laurie, you can’t actually have it both ways. You can suppress your pheromones, I bet – you’re already starting to control them, which means you’ve got the ability, but… well, you saw how it goes. Someone you care about’s in danger, or you’re in the middle of a riot and everyone’s trampling each other, or whatever, and… what then? You don’t strike me as the type to just stand by and let people get hurt without trying to help. And if you can’t control your pheromones when that happens, then… well, you might make everything worse.

I mean, hell, look at me. I’m barely in control of my own powers now; say I run into some mugger about to take a shot at somebody. I can’t just let it happen, but I might kill ‘em by accident. Hell, I might kill everybody nearby by accident. Which sucks, but what am I gonna do? Either I make my powers go away somehow, or I learn to control ‘em, you know? There’s not really an in-between."

> " Is that what this place is? Are we all supposed to go out and… fight things? Everyone here talks about being on the X-men like it’s some kind of reward. I mean even you sound like it’s normal to think about getting shot at as a mission with all that terminology and…and stuff "

Bobby blinks at that, and nods slowly, a bit chagrinned. "Yeah, you’re right… I do kinda go overboard with the whole Dragnet thing. Sorry." It's something else he picked up from Scott, Bobby realizes without much surprise.

He hesitates a moment before adding " I guess it sounds pretty hokey, huh? Like some little kid who wants to be a police officer or a fireman or a superhero or something. But yeah, I wanted to join the X-Men from pretty much the first time I heard about them, and maybe it is hokey, but… well, you get somebody like that Blob guy holding Congress hostage or Magneto invading Alcatraz, and somebody’s got to stop ‘em. And yeah, maybe the Army can do it, but then everybody sees mutants as the enemy all the time, and that’s no good either, right?" He’s aware his voice is rising, and he’s flailing his arms around like he’s trying to wrap them around something, and he’s probably scaring Laurie a bit; he takes a deep breath to start again.

> " Do we have any other choices? Do colleges even let mutants in? "

"Sure they do. Heck, Josh is stressing out all over the place about his college applications, and he’s even a public mutant." ’course, it’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” for most mutants; it’s not like we’re a protected class or anything. But that’s not what she wants to hear, and for once he manages to keep his mouth under control.

"But, look... it's not like that. I mean, nutjobs like me who read too many comic books in their formative years notwithstanding, this isn’t some weird kind of military indoctrination center, or anything like that... it's a school. A pretty good one, actually. And yeah," he adds, waving at the random displays of mutations going on around the room, "we don't have to hide what we are here, and that's a good thing, but as for the rest of it... nobody expects you to go fight evil or save the world or anything, honest."

Bobby’d never even thought about it that way before, but now that she mentions it he can understand her concern. Professor Xavier had always managed to keep the X-Men stuff and the Institute stuff separate, but that had fallen apart lately, what with Storm and Josh and Warren going public as X-Men, and Fury invading the school, and Sheppard being pretty much invisible.

So is that what everybody thinks, now? That they’re in some kind of cult, or something? The thought is disturbing, especially when he reflects that he can’t obviously prove them wrong.

[Laurie Collins]

“But you’re right, you have the potential to neutralize threats like that with nobody getting hurt…”

Laurie gives him a slightly startled look at that spin on her abilities- sure she was the one who’d brought it up, but that had been in self-recrimination when she was thinking only of what she’d done wrong. Now, hearing it phrased that way, it sounds useful, even good. She thinks of the soldier bleeding on her carpet, Miss. Craft, the people hurt near her in the riot. I could have helped them not just tried to keep myself from hurting them. Then she remembers what they all suspect caused that riot in the first place and that avenue of reasoning comes to an abrupt end coinciding unpleasantly with Bob’s exasperated sigh at her wish to get rid of her powers. He apologizes almost immediately and she nods slightly but still looks a bit abashed, sensitive to disapproval as she is.

"…the thing is, Laurie, you can’t actually have it both ways. You can suppress your pheromones, I bet – you’re already starting to control them, which means you’ve got the ability, but… well, you saw how it goes. Someone you care about’s in danger, or you’re in the middle of a riot and everyone’s trampling each other, or whatever, and… what then?”

“But it might be worse for them if I could control my pheromones.” she responds, apparently more stubborn than most people give her credit for. “There’s not a huge chance I’ll run into another riot but I’m going to be around people and how do I know I won’t…” she takes a moment to search for the words and realizes with a bit of surprise that she’s never been sure exactly what horrible thing she would do as her potential manipulative self, just a general sense of dread and self-recrimination. “…won’t hurt someone?” she decides on after a minute. “And what would happen if I did? Would anyone here even notice? It’s not exactly obvious, sometimes even I don’t know if I’m doing it, I mean that’s the whole reason I have to stay away from Matthew now because he thinks he likes me and-“ she cuts off and blushes, instantly regretting getting worked up enough to let that slip. Bob’s nice enough and he seems trustworthy but it’s still not the kind of thing you run around yelling from the rooftops and she’s almost glad when he suddenly goes alarmingly flail-y about his dedication to the X-men.

" I guess it sounds pretty hokey, huh? … but… well, you get somebody like that Blob guy holding Congress hostage or Magneto invading Alcatraz, and somebody’s got to stop ‘em. And yeah, maybe the Army can do it, but then everybody sees mutants as the enemy all the time, and that’s no good either, right?"

She nods quickly, “Oh I know, I mean I’m definitely glad the X-men are around and all that and you are much braver than me for even thinking about it but I just… I don’t want that. I want to… I don’t know but, um, nothing with fighting and death. I guess that’s pretty selfish but…” she trails off, unable to find an excuse and just shrugs a little sheepishly.

"But, look... it's not like that. ... it's a school. A pretty good one, actually. And yeah, we don't have to hide what we are here, and that's a good thing, but as for the rest of it... nobody expects you to go fight evil or save the world or anything, honest."

“Okay,” she says quietly, giving him a small smile, “Because even if it was some sort of requirement I don’t think my mom would be signing that permission slip any time soon.”

[Bobby Drake]

> " I’m going to be around people and how do I know I won’t …won’t hurt someone? And what would happen if I did? Would anyone here even notice? It’s not exactly obvious, sometimes even I don’t know if I’m doing it, I mean that’s the whole reason I have to stay away from Matthew now because he thinks he likes me and- "

Bob grins despite himself at her slip, amused by her embarrassment and re-evaluating some of her previous anxiety in light of it.

Then he loses the grin as he thinks about what she’s saying more seriously. "Yeah… you know, I guess I never really thought about it from your perspective. I guess… hm. I suppose I was in the same boat until a little while ago, come to think of it… I mean, I could have done all kinds of unethical things with the network and nobody would’ve known about it." Like, planting spy-eyes all over the Institute, say? Suddenly Bobby’s the one blushing, and thankful he can’t interface with that equipment anymore… now that he actually has enough brain function to care, the temptation to spy on certain people might prove irresistible.

He drags his mind back to Laurie’s problem, thinking back to Professor Xavier’s Ethics lectures from years back. "But… I mean, you’re confusing two different things here, aren’t you? I mean, using your pheromones without knowing it is one thing; getting your powers under control will stop that. But… intentionally using them to hurt somebody… well, that’s a different kind of thing, right? It’s like… I mean, if I were a sadistic bastard I could make up lies about Matthew’s sex life, just to screw with your head; if I were really good you might never catch me at it. But that’s more than just being able to lie, or being able to control whether or not I lie… it’s also about being a sadistic bastard in the first place, don’t you think?"

Except that’s way too simplistic, and even he knows it. "Though I guess it’s a matter of degree, too… I mean, I guess we’re all sadistic bastards to some degree. I guess…" he pauses with a thoughtful frown, trying to work his way carefully through some difficult thoughts, “I guess there’s probably people I’d hurt, if I could do it with impunity… not many, and not much, but… sure." He flashes back to memories of firing his rifle at Magneto’s head for a moment, …but that’s different… it wasn’t in secret; it wasn’t sneaking, it was… well, it needed doing… didn’t it? But in the privacy of his own mind, he has to admit it would also have been personally satisfying, and he’s not entirely sure of his own motives. Which is basically her point, too, I guess…

Except it’s basically the same question, he realizes suddenly, and finishes the thought with renewed enthusiasm, as if he’d found the solution to an exceptionally difficult problem. "But, wait, no… that’s the thing, you see? It’s different – it’s two different things. If you want confidence that you’ll be stopped if you start intentionally messing with people’s minds, that’s easy: set up a regular session with Josh or Sheppard or somebody to scan your thoughts and make sure you haven’t been. Have ‘em wear a gas mask while they do it, just to be sure. It’s guess it’s kinda like confession… you’d know someone would be in a position to judge, it wouldn’t just be up to you. Right?"

He’s grinning again, sure of himself. "Hell, I even bet your pheromones leave traces; I bet someone like Hank could whop up a lab test for ‘em; we could test everybody’s blood for ‘em every week or so. Of course, that would only help if you have control of your powers… I’m guessing my blood would show traces now, for example, just cuz you’re emitting without knowing it. But that’s the point, right? You’d be able to control your powers without having to worry that you might turn us all into puppets without getting caught at it."

Catching sight of himself in one of the gym mirrors, Bobby feels suddenly chagrinned again at his "tadaa!" body language. He shrugs diffidently, staring at the floor for a moment, and adds with a sheepish tone "I mean, I know it's not that simple... I don't mean to come off like I've just solved all your problems 'cuz I'm Mr. Clever or anything. But... well, I dunno, sometimes it takes an outside perspective to realize that a problem can be solved, that you don't have to just live with it, you know?"

And hearing those words come out of his own mouth makes him blink, and think back to that list of therapists Sheppard had given him. Nicely put, Drake... maybe you should listen to yourself?

[Laurie Collins]

“…if I were a sadistic bastard I could make up lies about Matthew’s sex life, just to screw with your head; if I were really good you might never catch me at it. But that’s more than just being able to lie, or being able to control whether or not I lie… it’s also about being a sadistic bastard in the first place, don’t you think?"

Which is a reasonably good point but the example has her scrambling not to knock over more weights or send the entire weight room into a frenzy of flustered twitching. Wait, lies about his sex life? Implying that there’s one to lie about? Does someone have a sex life even if they aren’t…having…that? Is it just dormant? Who would he be…stop. Stop it. You don’t get to be jealous you idiot. It would be good if we was…oh, right, important conversation oops. She snaps back to attention just in time for Bob’s next words-

“If you want confidence that you’ll be stopped if you start intentionally messing with people’s minds, that’s easy: set up a regular session with Josh or Sheppard or somebody to scan your thoughts and make sure you haven’t been. Have ‘em wear a gas mask while they do it, just to be sure. It’s guess it’s kinda like confession… you’d know someone would be in a position to judge, it wouldn’t just be up to you. Right?"

“That…might work.” Laurie says quietly, staring at him and going bit unnervingly wide-eyed for a moment. It can’t be that easy though can it? Not something I’ve worried about since I was twelve. Then something occurs to her and she fidgets a little nervously, blushing again and looking off to the left of Bob’s face, “Can psychics, um, choose what they, uh, ‘see’? I mean looking to see if I’d manipulated anyone they wouldn’t see anything…private… would they? Can they separate that?” she asks tentatively, obviously thinking about potentially Matthew-related things and much less obviously about her father. I’ll tell them if I really have to but no one ever brought up the riot with me again and they would have if they’d thought it was pheromones so…so that’ll be okay. It wasn’t him. He isn’t here. She nods again at his further suggestion about blood tests and pheromone traces, amazed at how he’s pulling all of this out of thin air. Then again he probably does more than hide in his room all day feeling sorry for himself. she adds in a sort of silent sneer. “So I guess the point is the mutant academy full of scientists and psychics doesn’t really help you when you hide in your room all the time avoiding them huh?” she asks sheepishly, raising a hand and tugging lightly on a stray strand of hair.

[Bobby Drake]

> " Can psychics, um, choose what they, uh, ‘see’? I mean looking to see if I’d manipulated anyone they wouldn’t see anything…private… would they? Can they separate that? "

Bobby grins, unable to resist going for the rhetorical shot. "Well, I suppose that depends on how much control they’ve developed over their powers, right? Of course," he adds with a too-casual shrug, "even with full control there’s no guarantee they won’t lie to you, peek around at all kinds of things, steal your credit card numbers or whatever. Quod custodet – um, quien custodet ipset, oh, hell, you know how that one goes, right? Who watches the watchmen? But I’ll bet you $20 you have an easier time trusting other people not to abuse their powers than you do trusting yourself not to do the same."

He’s somewhat surprised to see Josh coming out of the locker room at that moment and decides to take the opportunity to push his luck a bit. "I’ll tell you what, though; we can ask the source itself." Without waiting for an approval from Laurie that he’s quite sure he won’t receive, he waves Josh over to join them.

[Josh Dalton Worthington]

Josh steps out of the gym locker room, wearing running pants and a tank top. Because of the mental nature of his mutant powers, he tended to frequent the Danger Room more than the gymnasium. People got mad when he started tossing expensive exercise equipment around, for some reason. At the same time, it's still important to take care of your body...

He grins slightly, moving for the treadmill. And cotton just plain breathes better than leather.

> "I’ll tell you what, though; we can ask the source itself."

Josh heads for where Bobby and Laurie are standing. "Um... the source of what?" As much as genetics and biochemistry interested him, people seemed to think he was able to explain how they'd reversed Bobby's condition as well as Hank and Reed. He knew the basics of it, sure. But the procedure had been complicated, and he wasn't at all sure he could explain it to Laurie - he was pretty sure she cringed every time she saw Toni.

Then again... maybe the cringe isn't for chemistry? Hee! "Whats's up?" He sets his water bottle on the ground carefully.

[Laurie Collins]

Laurie fidgets a little in place at Bob’s rather pointed cleverness. I guess that is a bit stupid, trusting everyone else with much more overtly harmful things but not trusting myself at all. I guess Mr. Shepard or Josh could be a thousand times more dangerous than me if they wanted to…

"I’ll tell you what, though; we can ask the source itself."
"Um... the source of what?"

“U-uhm.” she stutters, taken aback at the sudden addition of Josh to the conversation and obviously, too obviously not to be at least a little ridiculous, recalibrating her level of nerves and wariness to this new and slightly less known person. Math is not her strong suit but she can easily make an impressively complex equation out of the simplest social scenario and Josh, while obviously not unfamiliar, isn’t someone she’s had any extended contact with, after all he lives with a teacher which shocks her enough to give him some cache in the intimidation- and therefore avoidance- department. “Well,” she continues once she’s gathered herself and cast about for a moment to find the right words to explain her question with the least amount of embarrassment possible, “We-I…we?” she looks at Bob as if gauging whether or not he’s actually curious about this psychic trivia bit, as if the accurate plural form is something she’s going to be graded on, “ah, just wondered if, well, when you, I don’t know what you’d call it precisely, but if you were to scan someone to see if they were hurting someone on purpose you could just look for intent without looking at anything, um, private?” she finally manages to end the sentence and looks rather comically relieved when she can stop talking and wait silently for an answer. That is if he understood any of that nonsense. Idiot.

[Bobby Drake]

Bobby somehow manages not to collapse into a fit of the giggles at Laurie’s obvious nervousness when facing Josh, of all people, and decides to be helpful.

"Yeah, exactly. I mean, suppose somebody was claiming I’d turned their goldfish into a popsicle or something, and I wanted you to back me up that I hadn’t – or, at least, that I wasn’t aware of having done it, if I had – but I didn’t want you finding out who I had a crush on or that I’m secretly a Frank Sinatra fan or something. Can you look for something specific like that, if I’m cooperating?"

(( sorry it’s lame ))

[Josh Dalton Worthington]

Josh blinks slightly at Laurie's reaction to his arrival. He'd known she was a shy person - which was probably an understatement - but she almost seemed to be afraid of him. He shoots Bobby a slightly confused look. Bobby, is everything okay?

> “ah, just wondered if, well, when you, I don’t know what you’d call it precisely, but if you were to scan someone to see if they were hurting someone on purpose you could just look for intent without looking at anything, um, private?”

I guess it's not about Bobby's treatment, then. "Well, Jake would probably explain this better than me, but I can take a shot at it." Josh runs a hand through his hair absentmindedly. "It mostly depends on whether they're open to my manipulation or whether they're trying to resist it. For some reason, I'm just not very good at breaking my way into someone's mind for that kind of thing. It's way easier when I'm let in." His focus shifts to Bobby as the other boy starts speaking.

> "Yeah, exactly. I mean, suppose somebody was claiming I’d turned their goldfish into a popsicle or something, and I wanted you to back me up that I hadn’t – or, at least, that I wasn’t aware of having done it, if I had – but I didn’t want you finding out who I had a crush on or that I’m secretly a Frank Sinatra fan or something. Can you look for something specific like that, if I’m cooperating?"

Well, I kind of already know who you have a crush on, but... Josh looks thoughtful. "That's a different story, then. I think my answer would be 'mostly'." He ponders for a second. "Telepathy is a lot of things, and simple isn't one of them, but I think the best explanation is this. Think of having a big file cabinet in front of you, and only having the vaguest sense of where what you're looking for is hiding. You have to look at the file headings to figure out whether to check out a particular folder."

"So... yeah. In general, I can restrict a telepathic search to something specific. But it's hard to ignore a folder that says 'Favorite Sinatra Tunes' and pretend I didn't see it. Does that make any sense at all?" Josh looks questioningly at Laurie and Bobby. Not that things are quite that tidy, but it's better than nothing.

[Laurie Collins]

"Well, Jake would probably explain this better than me, but I can take a shot at it."

She almost lets out a hysterical giggle at the thought of strolling into the headmaster’s office, taking a seat among his artfully arranged action figures, and asking if he mightn’t mind scanning her brain to make sure that she wasn’t influencing anyone into becoming her mindless puppet so that she could go and (at this point there’s brief interlude of slightly wiggly movements in her abdomen as she tries to mentally articulate what she’d like to do) well, you know, with the science teacher’s younger brother. Right. Great. I think I’ll just try my luck here thanks she decides and listens carefully to his next words, though they don’t really answer her question precisely. She opens her mouth to try to clarify when Bob starts to speak and she looks over at him, unable to help but notice his obvious amusement with the situation.

"Yeah, exactly. I mean, suppose somebody was claiming I’d turned their goldfish into a popsicle or something, and I wanted you to back me up that I hadn’t – or, at least, that I wasn’t aware of having done it, if I had – but I didn’t want you finding out who I had a crush on or that I’m secretly a Frank Sinatra fan or something. Can you look for something specific like that, if I’m cooperating?"

“You-“ Laurie starts, turning towards him and brandishing her index finger like a stick, are not taking this seriously she’s about to finish with before she thinks or maybe I’m just taking this way too seriously and blinks, a bit surprised. It’s what she’s been hung up on for six months, parts of it for most of her life, not ridiculous at all. But, well, it sort of is, most of it not so much so but it wouldn’t be real if it weren’t a little dumb, some of it anyway. Goldfish popsicle. Heh “nnngh.” she grumbles inarticulately at him instead, and shakes her finger at him for a moment as if he’s the one four years younger and half a foot or so shorter instead of her, looking equal parts flustered and amused but not so tense as she was a moment ago now that she’s been jolted a bit from levels of seriousness only attainable by teenage girls with boy troubles.

“…Think of having a big file cabinet in front of you, and only having the vaguest sense of where what you're looking for is hiding. You have to look at the file headings to figure out whether to check out a particular folder. So... yeah. In general, I can restrict a telepathic search to something specific. But it's hard to ignore a folder that says 'Favorite Sinatra Tunes' and pretend I didn't see it. Does that make any sense at all?"

“I suppose.” Laurie says quietly, nodding and obviously mulling this over a bit, back to seriousness in the face of the less-familiar. “So going with what he,” she nods towards Bob, “said you could see that he liked, um…Frank Sinatra songs… but you wouldn’t have to go poke around and see memories of um, specific experiences with listening to Frank Sinatra songs would you? Even if the fish-owner said that a Frank Sinatra song was playing when his fish was, um, turned into a popsicle? Hypothetically?” she asks hopefully, from what he’s described it seems like ‘family issues’ would be a file heading Josh wouldn’t have to look under making her worries about revealing her father moot, but the idea of anyone watching her fumble through a relationship is… well it’s embarrassing enough when it’s just her watching herself. Hence the idiotic circular avoidance talking? she chides herself, blushing and looking determinedly off to the left of Josh’s face, trying not to think about how confused he must be or how strange he must think her.

[Josh Dalton Worthington]

> “said you could see that he liked, um…Frank Sinatra songs… but you wouldn’t have to go poke around and see memories of um, specific experiences with listening to Frank Sinatra songs would you? Even if the fish-owner said that a Frank Sinatra song was playing when his fish was, um, turned into a popsicle? Hypothetically?”

This is getting a little too convoluted. Josh shakes his head. "That makes it different, too. If the subject's brain was unconsciously trying to repress memories of 'turning the fish into a popsicle', as you said, if Sinatra was playing the in background during the fish's murder..." Josh giggles a little at that, "...then using the subject's memories of Sinatra music could be a valuable back door into what I was looking for."

"So you see, it's definitely not a clear cut decision. Someone with more experience than me might be able to piece together information more efficiently and wouldn't even need the music vector." Josh tilts his head at Laurie. "I have the feeling, though, that we're not trying to solve the murder of your goldfish."

"Whenever I'm searching through someone else's mind for a specific reason, I always try to stick to the mission. Riffling through other's thoughts isn't exactly as cool as people make it out to be - you'd probably be shocked if you ever tried it. My point is... maybe if you told me the actual situation, I'd be able to give you a better answer?" He says this tenatively. Laurie didn't strike him as the sharing sort, but Bobby was sure reassure her that he was trustworthy.

[Bobby Drake]

To his credit, Bobby really does try not to laugh throughout all of this. He even manages to keep something that vaguely resembles a straight face throughout Laurie’s finger-wagging and the absurd image of flash-freezing a goldfish with a Sinatra soundtrack Oh the shark has… pointed teeth, dear… and he shows them… pearly white (ha-chaaa!).

But the phrase “we're not trying to solve the murder of your goldfish.” proves his undoing. He misses much of Josh’s final explanation as he tries to avoid it, but honestly he never had much of a chance. "Yeah…. Nobody (sporfle) leaves the fishtank ‘till we (heeeee!) find the guy (snort) responsible!" He manages to stay on his feet during the subsequent wave of hysteria, leaning heavily against a treadmill frame until he gets his breathing under control.

"Um… sorry about that. I, um… (hee!) it’s just, you know, the poor goldfish…" and then he’s off again, humming something that might plausibly be the ominous da-dum, da-dum, da-dum-da-dum- da-dum-da-dum music from Jaws, punctuated by uncontrolled bursts of giggles while making that stabbing gesture from the shower scene in Psycho. "…OK, I admit it, I killed your goldfish! It was (snorkle) me! And I’d do it again, too: he snored!"

(( OK, I’m kinda sorry about this… I blame lack of sleep. Then again, it’s not like Bob’s been sleeping all that well IC, either.))

[Laurie Collins]

"Whenever I'm searching through someone else's mind for a specific reason, I always try to stick to the mission. Riffling through other's thoughts isn't exactly as cool as people make it out to be - you'd probably be shocked if you ever tried it. My point is... maybe if you told me the actual situation, I'd be able to give you a better answer?"

Laurie makes an impressive- in that it manages to convey so precisely 'oh dear, this is going to be pretty embarrassing'- face and opens her mouth to really explain when a sudden explosion of hilarity from Bob's direction makes her click her mouth closed and give him a slightly concerned completely wide-eyed stare as he collapses against a treadmill giggling.

"Yeah…. Nobody (sporfle) leaves the fishtank ‘till we (heeeee!) find the guy (snort) responsible!"

and before she can respond to that he's off again babbling and singing the Jaws theme song while making stabbing motions with his hand. For a moment she worries that she's actually driven him crazy with all of her conflicting pheromone emissions, but the ridiculousness of that idea is evident even before she's finished thinking of it and she settles for bopping him lightly on the arm with Fight Club and observing,

"You are unexpectedly strange sometimes."

in a not uncomplimentary tone. She's tempted to use that distraction to chicken out of asking Josh, it's a favor after all for someone he hardly knows because who, after meeting her, would actually want to wander around in her paranoid labyrinth of a psyche? But if he does agree I won't have to worry anymore, I can get this under control and be normal and if I do something terrible they'll know and make me stop. The next best thing to being cured. "But, um, aside from Bob's um...musical fishicide...I wondered if you could... I mean if you don't mind- and you don't have to because I know you're busy and it probably won't be very much fun- but, um, right, bad way to start asking for something." she takes a breath here and winces slightly as she realizes she's sounding like a mumbly version of that super-speed girl she's seen zipping about, "Would you mind maybe...just sort of flicking through my, uh, brain every once in awhile? Just to make sure I'm not manipulating anyone? I could probably find you a gasmask, I mean, we must have gasmasks here somewhere right? If I knew I couldn't do very much harm I think I'd feel a lot better about controlling these...pheromone things... and control is apparently good here? So, um, yes that's it." she manages to get out, fidgeting anxiously as she awaits a response.

[Bobby Drake]

> "You are unexpectedly strange sometimes"

That earns an amused grin, very much as if it had been a compliment.

And the rest of the time? Am I less strange, or does she just expect it more? he wonders, but decides not to ask… partly because he doesn’t want to distract her (well, distract her further) from the conversation with Josh, which seems to be going somewhere, but mostly out of a strange sense of shyness. Which is weird, since he’s not usually shy, and he’s certainly been making enough of a fool out of himself that he shouldn’t be worrying about it.

On the other hand, her subsequent distracted explanation of the situation to Josh, which ought to be amusing, somehow isn’t. It’s more poignant than he expected, somehow; he finds himself sympathizing with her position rather than trying to fix it. Seriously… what if it were my mutation? What if I could make anybody feel anything I wanted them to?

He’s disturbed by how enticing that idea actually is… especially given what he’s been through lately.

And it’s not that any of what he’s been saying to Laurie is false – being able to talk down the terrorists invading Congress instead of beating them senseless would have been great, for example – but he’s beginning to understand her concerns. And, yeah, having someone he could trust to monitor his use of that power would be nice, in some ways… but he wonders if he’d have the courage to ask for it. Laurie’s tougher than she looks.

He grins encouragingly at her and hopes Josh finds a way to help her out.