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Post by Josh Dalton Worthington on May 9, 2007 23:31:36 GMT
> ”Fuck, no, Josh; clearly I’m the one who needs to fucking apologise here.”
Josh bites his lip. The mental slip had been incredibly sloppy, and the timing couldn’t be worse; John seemed teetering of the edge of rage. What he couldn’t quite figure out was why he was so incredibly angry. Okay, so I called him out on shacking up with Rogue too soon. Obviously, it’s gonna get him pissed off… but…
> ”Clearly the fact I’m moving on is a great fucking insult to you lot. How the fuck dare I? Bobby’s only been dead since February after all…”
>And if there isn’t and you’ve moved on, it’s a good time to be supportive of your friends who maybe haven’t yet. You get me?
That’s it. Stop thinking of yourself! You are so fucking selfish! He can tell that Warren’s not eager to get into an argument with John, probably because of the faculty/student relationship. Fortunately, I have no such problem. His eyebrows narrow in anger.
“How about you stop yelling at Rogue for wanting Bobby to live? Are you even listening to yourself? You sound like a self-absorbed jackass.” Josh crosses the room towards Rogue, distressed at seeing the tears on her face. “It’s interesting that you place Bobby’s ‘death’ in February rather than December. How’s about this…” He locks eyes with John. “It’s not always about you. Bobby’s not dead. He’s still in there, buried below it all.”
Josh’s tone turns slightly softer. “I’m sorry that he rejected you, John. But you have to realize the MGH is completely inhibiting his emotions. It’s like you’re asking a blind man what color shirt you’re wearing. It’s not fair.”
“Rogue… I’m really sorry… you have to believe me, I didn’t mean it.” Josh rubs a hand on her back, attempting to give her physical support. She looks about ready to sink to the ground. While doing so, he looks to John. “Yeah, it was totally stupid of him to take an injection without knowing what it was gonna do. We might have superpowers… but we all make mistakes. I’d think you of all people could appreciate that.”
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Post by Pyro on May 14, 2007 0:00:44 GMT
< everybody deals differently. That’s fine.
”Good, we agree on something” John replies, his tone back to the flat fact-stating one. ”So fuck off and let me deal already.”
Warren probably thinks he’s helping, trying to make him be responsible and caring and shit, but… fuck, he’s not the one who needs help, and so it’s just bloody irritating (not that Warren doesn’t somehow usually end up irritating him anyway… which is probably unfair and unjustified most of the time, but whatever). He’s not dealing, he’s dealt, and he’ll be absolutely positively a-okay if only people would leave him the fuck alone and not try and peddle their demented denial on him under the pretence that that’s somehow what’s sane and rational. And sure, that reply’s rash, but… fuck it, he’s too strung out to care any more.
< You get me?
… he should think better of replying here too. A simple ‘sure’ would be best, wouldn’t it? But no, he can’t do *simple*. ”Not really.” John turns his attention from Warren to take in the other two – ”Don’t get any of you.” – before his tone rises, just a note too controlled to be hysterical, but insistent and edgy none the less, punctuated with suitably dramatic and adamant points towards the Med Lab to underline the argument. ”He is dead. There is nothing left. Why the fuck can’t any of you see that?”
< It’s not always about you
Warren arguing is one thing – he’s a ‘responsible adult member of staff’ and so it’s practically in the fucking job contract to contradict him; Josh is something else, and it stings just enough to nudge the anger if not the guilt. ”Who is it about, then? You lot?” - he snorts, disparaging – ”The thing in there? Again, for-fucking-give me, Teekboy, if this doesn’t sit prettily enough for you, but I’ll stick with self absorbed jackassery over trusting anyone else.”
< I’m sorry that he rejected you
… and that’s the crux of it, isn’t it, when you get down to brass tacks? You’re pissed off not that Bobby’s gone but that you couldn’t bring him back. That it wasn’t enough. It could be himself, or Josh, who he’s arguing with – more than likely both – but over-quick and over-sharp he shoots back ”Bobby didn’t reject me. He died. Robert never owed me jack shit on that score. Just took me way too fucking long to realise as much.”
< It’s not fair
”Life isn’t.”
… well, it’s the only answer he was ever going to give, isn’t it?
< I’d think you of all people could appreciate that
The death glare Josh gets says don’t go there far better than John could… which is a blessing because that fucking stings and he’d probably trip over the words somewhere between it hurting and his trying to admit it doesn’t… He doesn’t make mistakes, does he? And even when he does… fuck, they’re not… like that. And… fuck you Josh.
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Post by Warren Worthington III on May 14, 2007 0:26:11 GMT
> " Who is it about, then? You lot? The thing in there? Again, for-fucking-give me, Teekboy, if this doesn’t sit prettily enough for you, but I’ll stick with self absorbed jackassery over trusting anyone else."
Warren nods slowly at that and walks back down the hall, to where Josh and John are facing off and Rogue is curled up and crying. "Your call, Allerdyce." he adds to John over his shoulder as he kneels down next to Rogue. "I guess caring about her is somebody else’s responsibility, then."
"Hey…" He slides his hand into his sleeve, using the fabric to protect himself when he tilts her head up so he can make eye contact. "Look… I’m not going to tell you it’s OK, or anything like that… the truth is we don’t know what’s going to happen. But Reed and Hank are the best there is; nobody knows more about mutant physiology and genetics, and they’ve been working on treatments ever since we first found out about the problem. They’ve kept Drake alive this long… I’m not ready to give up on them just yet. How about you?"
He tries for a cheerful tone and mostly makes it. He also considers throwing a meaningful glance in Allerdyce’s direction and discards the idea; this isn’t about him anymore. "Do you want to see him now? Or I can walk you back to your room, if not… or wherever you want."
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Post by Rogue on May 14, 2007 4:52:26 GMT
...There’s part of Rogue that’s not too distracted to note the arguing going on, and the anger and she doesn’t like that, doesn’t like that they’re fighting – wouldn’t like that in general, but now of all times it’s even worse but she can’t collect herself enough to tell them to stop, doesn’t think it would help anyway, really, so she just doesn’t and tries to tune them out and tune out her thoughts and work on the waking up and forgetting this…
“Rogue… I’m really sorry… you have to believe me, I didn’t mean it.”
So jumping slightly when Josh is suddenly right there is understandable right? She looks up at him when he touches her, tries to offer a smile and some sort of response to his words… The smile is abandoned before it ever really forms, though, because she just can’t. And she’s not really sure what to say, either, because she can’t say ‘it’s okay’ - nothing’s really okay right now, is it?
And she can’t say ‘no you were right’, because she doesn’t want to say that while John’s there because he obviously doesn’t agree and she doesn’t want to make things worse (and she doesn't entirely regret everything, just that this is the most horrible time possible for it, and it has to look like she's totally heartless, and she isn't, right? doesn't think she is)… But she doesn’t have to say anything, just tries to think louder and a little more organized-like than she has been (what with the nononono going on in the background, and so many other things surging up, projecting just something simple is harder than normal).
I know, hon, but… y’right. Y’right, an’ I knew tha’, an’… I’m sorry.[/color]
And maybe she doesn’t have to apologize but somehow it feels like she does and she just doesn’t know what she is supposed to do, or say, or …anything - it’s just too confusing and she’s starting to realize this can’t be a dream because she wouldn’t be able to dream this vividly, would she? Sure, her nightmares tend to be almost traumatic in the way they seem real, but this has a whole other layer of reality to it…
"I guess caring about her is somebody else’s responsibility, then."
Even now – while John’s being an ass and everyone else isn’t and everything that’s happening – she’s almost automatically defensive and protective, because she knows he’s not exactly doing this on purpose, he’s just not okay either and she wants to be okay enough to help him, but she just can’t be right now, can’t just push it off and bounce back up, not this time. But she knows it’s not because he doesn’t care, it’s just complicated and different and a lot of other things, too many things, and none of which she can really properly deal with right this second. So she doesn’t do or say anything, pushes the impulse to do so down, and just tries to collect herself a little…
"Hey…"[/color] And again she’s slightly startled realizing that someone’s right there, Warren nudging at her to look up with a covered hand, and she meets his eyes almost like she’s not really seeing, for a second, just trying to be agreeable and do what she’s supposed to, because surely that’ll make it turn out how it should?
"Look… I’m not going to tell you it’s OK, or anything like that… the truth is we don’t know what’s going to happen. But Reed and Hank are the best there is; nobody knows more about mutant physiology and genetics, and they’ve been working on treatments ever since we first found out about the problem. They’ve kept Drake alive this long… I’m not ready to give up on them just yet. How about you?"[/color]
She sort of focuses in after a bit, tries to listen properly to what he’s saying ‘cause it must be important, right? And… no, she doesn’t want to give up. She wants to be able to hope things will turn out okay, but it just doesn’t seem like it will… But believing it will is better, right? Because if it does turn out good she’d feel horrible for not believing, which has been why she’d clung to it this whole time, so why stop now? She manages a small shake of her head, sort of shaking as she tries to hold back her tears (and she almost thinks she’s going to eventually explode, except that’s sort of irrational and she knows it, but it’s just how it feels); she spares a glance past Warren towards John, almost tentative, because surely he’s going to be angry that she’s still not admitting it giving up, isn’t he? She doesn’t want him to be angry, but she can’t give up yet…
"Do you want to see him now? Or I can walk you back to your room, if not… or wherever you want."
Green eyes flick back towards Warren, and she hesitates a second. She’s not really sure what she wants to do, or what she should do. It’s like everything’s falling apart and she can’t stop it or hold it up and she doesn’t know if she’s just not strong enough or if she just can’t because she’s not meant to, but at the same time it’s not like that at all, because that’s almost too poetic and dramatic and this is reality too real for such things and besides, if someone were to hold things up it could never be her…
”I don’ know?” And maybe that sounds more like a question than it should, but even if she’s not ready to give up all the way, she still doesn’t have much hope, either, and she’s somewhere between numbed and hurting, both but neither and entirely lost.
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Post by Josh Dalton Worthington on May 21, 2007 21:35:11 GMT
> ”The thing in there? Again, for-fucking-give me, Teekboy, if this doesn’t sit prettily enough for you, but I’ll stick with self absorbed jackassery over trusting anyone else.”
Arguing with John was pointless. Sometimes Josh suspected that John didn’t even view the same reality as the rest of them. He’s about to give up and just let it be, until the last statement. Referring to Bobby (Robert?) as a thing sets Josh’s blood boiling all over again. He looks over, eyes flaming.
“He is not a thing! Bobby is a person, and deserves better than that. He’s dying! Maybe the sentiment is too much for you to handle, but some of us haven’t replaced our blood with ice water.” Josh turns back to Rogue, completely disgusted. He can feel John’s death glare boring into him, but resolutely ignores it.
> I know, hon, but… y’right. Y’right, an’ I knew tha’, an’… I’m sorry.
Josh looks into Rogue eyes. Don’t say sorry. You’ve done nothing wrong… Maybe we should get out of here. Arguing with John isn’t solving anything. The last half he opens to Warren as well, adding a touch of resignation to the mental projection. He offers a hand to Rogue to pull her to her feet.
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