Do you remember when I mowed your lawn?

[Toni Craft]

Just as she’s about to finish off her definition of catalysts and stating their importance to chemical reactions, the bell goes and the students immediately stop listening. Actually, most of them probably stopped listening once the clock hit five minutes to. Oh the joys of having the last class of the day.

There was chatter and gossip and hustle and bustle as the group of students collected their notes and began heading for the door. Toni sits back against the lab counter at the side of the room next to the door. Most of the students wish her a good evening as they file out, and she retorts with an assortment of witty remarks. Eventually she stops getting the well-wishes, and starts getting eye rolls.

“Julian, my adorable little teeker, stick around for a minute, will ya?” She says, putting out an arm to stop the young man before he can join his classmates in the hall. Toni shuts the door to the classroom and walks over to her desk at the front of the class. Pulling a chair up to the desk, she then finds her own seat. “Take une petite repose, dude.”

Toni tugs open one of her drawers and hauls out a stack of homework assignments. “So, Jules, care to explain why, exactly, you do so well at answering questions and my various non-educational remarks, as well as the bombardment of tests and quizzes that I’ve bestowed upon you, but you have yet to pass in one single piece of homework?” She flaps Cassie’s completed, A-graded assignment from two days ago to emphasize her point.

“I hate to sound like your naggin’ mama, bud, but you gotta start doin’ these things or else you’re mark is gonna drop faster than my dogs testicles on a hot day.”

[N.P.C]

> " So, Jules, care to explain why, exactly, you do so well at answering questions and my various non-educational remarks, as well as the bombardment of tests and quizzes that I’ve bestowed upon you, but you have yet to pass in one single piece of homework? I hate to sound like your naggin’ mama, bud, but you gotta start doin’ these things or else you’re mark is gonna drop faster than my dogs testicles on a hot day. "


Julian leans casually against the seat Toni just pulled up, unwilling to be sitting down for this conversation, and grins confidently. "Well, since you asked so nicely, you get an honest answer: because it’s fucking boring, frankly. I ace your tests, I know the material, I show up in class, I answer your questions, I don’t even make off-color remarks about how much attention you pay to your dog’s testicles… honestly, I don’t see where the homework thing makes that much difference."

He shrugs, then does a double-take that comes off as just a bit too calculated before adding "Though, since you bring it up – why are you so obsessed with your dog’s balls?"

[Toni Craft]

"Well, since you asked so nicely, you get an honest answer: because it’s fucking boring, frankly.” Not entirely impressed with his excuse nor his language, Toni shoots him an irritated glance from beneath a cocked eyebrow.

She tucks the homework assignments back in the drawer and leans forward, entwining her fingers as she rests her arms on the desk. “Okay. Fine. The homework is boring. But you know what else is boring? Sitting in here for detention writing ‘I will not criticize my teacher’s assignments out of fear that she will totally blast my undeniably adorable ass into the next dimension at four in the morning when I’m sleeping in my irresistible Sponge Bob boxers’ about three million times.” Toni tilts her head to the side and looks up at the ceiling in thought. “But what, dearest Jules, would make the stuff more interesting for you? ‘Cause, you know, I’m all about accommodating people and their special needs.”

"Though, since you bring it up – why are you so obsessed with your dog’s balls?"

Toni shrugs and leans back in her chair with a smirk. “Dude, seriously. It’s not an obsession; merely an observation. You can’t tell me you haven’t looked at dog cajones before, especially since they’re running about naked all the time.” She tilts the chair back, her foot propped up on the edge of the desk. “Though they’re nothing compared to squirrels. Those little guys are just evolutionary marvels when it comes to the size of their manly bits. I mean, the things are the size of my thumb.” Toni sticks up said appendage for emphasis.

[N.P.C]

> " you know what else is boring? Sitting in here for detention writing ‘I will not criticize my teacher’s assignments out of fear that she will totally blast my undeniably adorable ass into the next dimension at four in the morning when I’m sleeping in my irresistible Sponge Bob boxers’ about three million times. "

"OK… first off, I don’t wear boxers. And even if I did, I wouldn’t wear ‘em to bed. Second, whenever you wanna come to my room at four in the morning to spank my adorable ass, you just say the word… not my usual scene, but I’m a flexible guy. I can even get a pair of SpongeBob boxers for you, if you want. Gonna have to toss little Dougie out into the hall, though... I don’t do audiences. "

> " But what, dearest Jules, would make the stuff more interesting for you? ‘Cause, you know, I’m all about accommodating people and their special needs. "

This little speech, Julian knows backwards and forwards.. he’s gotten it from several years worth of “concerned” teachers who eventually end up kicking him out of their class once they get pissed that he doesn’t just roll over. "Yeah, yeah. You’re great, you’re wonderful, we all appreciate how you dedicate your life to educating us poor mutant kids, never mind you probably couldn’t make it on the outside yourself." He shakes his head. "Fuck that. You wanna take care of my special needs, I bet we can get a nurse’s uniform that fits you…"

[Toni Craft]

"OK… first off, I don’t wear boxers.” Toni raises her eyebrows and can’t help it as her eyes drift downwards.

“Really? You don’t seem like a briefs kinda boy.”

“And even if I did, I wouldn’t wear ‘em to bed.”

“Ah yes. You’re a onesie man, aren’t you? I knew it. You just couldn’t resist the polar fleece softness and the little rubber-soled booties, could you?” She grins widely as she teases him.

“Second, whenever you wanna come to my room at four in the morning to spank my adorable ass, you just say the word… not my usual scene, but I’m a flexible guy.” Toni gives him a sly smile as she tilts her chair back a bit farther. She’s not usually one to engage in such explicitly-themed conversations with students (John aside), but if Julian’s game--and he sounds more than willing--then what the hell.

“I’m slightly intrigued, Jules. Just how flexible are you, exactly? Are we talkin' foot behind your head or full out pretzel man?” She ends the statement with a challenging grin.

“You wanna take care of my special needs, I bet we can get a nurse’s uniform that fits you…" She just about laughs at that.

“Well, I’m more of a bunny suit person myself, but if it gets you to do your homework then I’m sure I can cope. But we’re leaving that little hat behind. I don’t do hats.” Toni brings her chair back onto all four feet. “And I could swipe one of those assless patient gowns for you if you want.”

[N.P.C]

> " Really? You don’t seem like a briefs kinda boy. Ah yes. You’re a onesie man, aren’t you? I knew it. You just couldn’t resist the polar fleece softness and the little rubber-soled booties, could you? "

That earns her an annoyed glare. "Man, you’re just full of weird kinks, huh? Does the New York Board of Ed know they let deviants like you teach children? Anyway, it’s commando all the way, baby. I like to keep things loose, y’know?"

> " Just how flexible are you, exactly? Are we talkin' foot behind your head or full out pretzel man? "

Julian’s a little surprised at the response – he’d expected her to back down when he raised the ante – but no way is he going to back away from a challenge. "You ever wanna find out, you know where to find me. I’ll give you a hint, though: you’d be amazed what a little careful teek can accomplish when normal muscles give up…"

[Toni Craft]

"Man, you’re just full of weird kinks, huh? Does the New York Board of Ed know they let deviants like you teach children?”

“Last I checked, Jules, you’re no child. Besides, what concern is it of yours what I do with the other kids around this place, hmmm? Unless you’re a little jealous...” Toni tries to look innocent, but seeing as how it’s an expression she hardly ever uses, the attempt fails.

“Anyway, it’s commando all the way, baby. I like to keep things loose, y’know?"

“Like a windsock!”

"You ever wanna find out, you know where to find me. I’ll give you a hint, though: you’d be amazed what a little careful teek can accomplish when normal muscles give up…"

“Ah, so is that why I see you walkin’ funny sometimes? Pull a hamstring or two while trying to do reverse frog squat? You know a little bit of Tai Chi will smooth that all out real nice. It’d be good for that spunky libido of yours too.”

[N.P.C]

> " Last I checked, Jules, you’re no child. "

"Yeah, you got that right," comes the entirely predictable response. "All man, babe."

> " Besides, what concern is it of yours what I do with the other kids around this place, hmmm? Unless you’re a little jealous... "

"Pff. Jealous of these losers? That’s a laugh. Half of ‘em wouldn’t know what to do with a girl if she dropped in their lap. Nah, I’m just looking out for you, is all. Wouldn’t want your reputation to get all ruined and stuff if one of these kids started shouting ‘bad touch’! Now, me… I’m more what you’d call discreet."

> " You know a little bit of Tai Chi will smooth that all out real nice. It’d be good for that spunky libido of yours too. "

Julian leans casually onto the top of Toni’s desk. "Is that right? Well, my schedule’s free for a while, if you wanna show me…"