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Post by Rogue on Aug 14, 2007 2:47:46 GMT
Something’s not right.
Sure, it’s all pretty well normal – no trouble going on around the mansion (at least, nothing big and climactic and obvious like another invasion or worse) or anything and she and John are just sort of sitting on the couch and watching TV, and that much isn’t weird or anything. Something else though, and as much as she’d like to think she can’t figure out what it is, she knows what it is and really, really would rather not.
And she keeps thinking maybe she’s wrong and trying to figure out what else could be the problem… So she’s been a little quieter today than normal, even, hardly paying attention now to what’s on the television, or much else (which she’d feel bad about, except she’s too distracted to actually notice it enough for that)...
But nothing else seems to make any sense at all and it’s not like she can’t trust the impressions she picks up from John – they’re from his mind, straight from him, no way it could be false, right? And she’s mildly surprised she didn’t see something sooner and she’s not sure if she’s relieved about that or not (if she had, it probably would have spooked her a lot more back then; proverbially sent her running and screaming like the sky was falling, probably, but at least then there wouldn’t have been time to make things more complicated).
Still, she can’t be entirely sure, can she? Sometimes the things she gets from people aren’t all the way complete (though, really, how could completing that make it make sense some other way?) or are out of context (again… she doesn’t think it would matter what context), or… things like that. So she could be wrong and she’d hate to be then and do or say something wrong and upset him… But not doing anything at all would be just as bad, right? Letting him just pretend and act like this is what he wants wouldn’t be fair, even if it would avoid a lot of chaos or another change.
She glances over at John, away from the TV she’s been sorta-but-not-really watching, offering an almost-shy smile (which feels absurd, being shy about just smiling, but whatever) and leans into him a little more. “This’s nice.” She can’t quite help the way the unspoken right? tacks itself onto the end so obviously, even though she definitely wishes it wasn’t there and didn’t have to be but it really does and is and there's not really anything to be done about that.
[Tag: John. Forgive the pun-tastic title - definitely couldn't think of anything else. ^_^;]
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Post by Pyro on Aug 18, 2007 21:18:24 GMT
”Nice. Right.” It’s an underappreciated talent, being able to remain mostly deadpan while making ‘nice’ sound like some sort of unpleasantly virulent and frustratingly incurable flesh-eating disease, but there it is; disparaging, but oh-so-subtle (yeah, subtle. From him, Shocking, but whatever).
Not that there’s anything intrinsically wrong with ‘nice’. For the most part, nice is fairly overrated, and makes a change from ‘oh god, we’re all going to die, invasion / Brotherhood / space-ninja-zombies / whatever and whoever have decided to hate mutants this week’. And it’s very far from ‘nice’ to be answering Rogue like this, but…
Fuck nice. Because when there’s nothing for it to be a pleasant change from? It’s fucking boring.
Fuck Bob, too, for making all those stupid suggestions about how this could become ‘real’. Helpfully failed to mention what you do when you don’t want it to be real, huh Icicle? John hasn’t bothered with any of that – not the flowers nor the pseudo-intellectual text, and definitely not the declaration, because while Rogue probably deserves all that she doesn’t merit it - not from him at least.
He wonders how the hell Bob kept this going as long as he did back when they were the Institute’s Golden Couple, Iceman and the Untouchable Girl. Probably helped that he wasn’t madly-in-lust with someone else… Things should be a whole lot easier for him, because unlike Scooter-Junior he had ways around the obvious complication figured out years ago, but… now it’s down to it? No real motivation to even bother suggesting most of them. He’ll claim that’s because she’d never go for it, and of course she wouldn’t… but it’s more complicated than that.
And she’s trying so damn hard to make it work – the fact she’s asked, the way she leans in – that it’s beyond low to keep pushing against that… but fuck, this has to break sooner or later, doesn’t it? Lately that’s become the only real *spark* here – seeing how much it’ll take to make her finally crack and admit that this isn’t working, which makes this the latest salvo in an annoyingly extended campaign, trying to grind her down. Because it’ll have to be her, really. Should be, because she’s the one getting screwed over and given that he’d been the one arguing that it wouldn’t happen there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell of him admitting he fucked up. It’s for her own fucking good, Little Miss Martyr; about time she grew a backbone and stopped worrying about keeping him and Drake happy. Really.
… except, what then, genius? You roll straight back into Bob’s bed like nothing ever happened? Deeply unsatisfying as this is, it’s sustained itself this long, and it’s got to be better than nothing… right?
Okay, so the real problem is, we haven’t a fucking clue what we want…
No, the problem is, we sound like a fucking shrink. John sighs; it’s all twists and cul-de-sacs in there at the moment, a problem made a whole lot worse by the fact that his usual sounding-boards are firmly in the *not an option* category and so it’s just going round and round, the only clear and definite fact being that this is most definitely all Bob’s fault, spinning him out like this with his stupid fucking babble about gestures and what she’d appreciate and making it real.
The Annoying Therapist section of his brain is right, though; it would be a hell of a lot easier if there was some sort of clear signposting. Preferably of the ‘yes, this is brilliant and we can all continue without any sort of earth-shattering change beyond that this suddenly becomes something other than blah’ variety. If that lightning-bolt moment’s coming, now’d be a good time he ‘prays’ (though, as per usual, to no-one and nothing in particular), shifting to accommodate her, slipping an arm around in a loose hug he hopes is a whole less awkward feeling on her end. Really. Any second now.
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Post by Rogue on Aug 19, 2007 2:19:13 GMT
”Nice. Right.”[/color]
It’s hard to decide if she was expecting that sort of answer or not, especially as this is John and her version of nice and his probably aren’t at all alike aside from that both of them mean something which isn’t bad, and he’s never been one for nice in the first place so that fits the tone too… So she’s really not sure what, exactly, that tells her, if anything at all. Because it could go either way, could just be her grasping at straws in either direction and she doesn’t know which or if that’s the case and it’s really just confusing and frustrating…
And she really wishes the half-hug were as reassuring as it would probably have been even just yesterday. ‘Cause she could definitely use that sort of reassurance right now, even just that – even if he isn’t happy and everything’s going to change again – things will be okay and something like normal…
And, really, what else is there to say short of simply asking? Not a whole lot, really. Except he might not be entirely honest – wouldn’t say if he was having second thoughts about it, would he? And while the idea of absorbing him to find out more clearly comes to mind, she can’t do that even if it would be so easy, just a touch and nothing this complicated; it’s not the right way to go about it, and she just needs to stop being as scared of finding out as she is. Just... ask. Right.
”Are y’ …okay?”
Doesn’t work out the same way she planned, backing down to the same old question she always asks (one which seems to be the most-common thing she’s said this past year, really) rather than the one she needs to, and she absently fidgets with her gloves, looking at them rather than up at him, even though she probably shouldn’t, ‘cause this just really isn’t going to be easy at all, is it?
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Post by Pyro on Aug 19, 2007 2:58:58 GMT
De-ja-fucking-vu. It’s like that question’s the only one she knows; everything always seems to boil down to it – Are you okay? Like as long as everyone else is fine it’s okay, screw whether or not she’s all right. Perhaps he ought to be flattered by that sort of investment in him, touched that she puts such a high value on his happiness… but no, right now it’s a weight he’d rather not have to carry. And besides, if this means that much to her… surely she should just be straight? (Yeah, that’s all manner of hypocritical, given his track record on directness and straightforwardness in relationships, but whatever).
Of course, that question doesn’t totally shut off the answer to the one she’s chickening out of asking. He could just as easily come back with ‘No, I’m not okay; I think this went wrong somewhere, and we should split up’.
He could.
But it’s far, far easier to just shrug - ”Sure.” – and hand it back to her. ”Why wouldn’t I be?”
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Post by Rogue on Aug 19, 2007 4:15:57 GMT
”Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“’Cause you’re not happy - somethin’s wrong, I know it is, felt it an’…” Okay, easier to get it out this way, and it’s a lot like the normal panicked-babbling crossed with something more frustrated than that, and she’s still not looking at him, choosing to stare at her gloved hands in her lap instead except it’s not entirely a conscious decision, so much as it is just an inability to look up while the words spill out all jumbled and rushed and making less sense than she’d like them to (and yet too much for her liking) ‘cause if she stops too long she probably won’t be able to start again. “…an’ I don’ like not knowing f’sure what-- An’ y’won’t jus’ say anythin’ when somethin’s botherin’ ya, y’never do, s’I dunno what ‘M supposed t’do…!”
Ordinarily, by now, she probably would have been crying, right? She’s not sure if that’s an improvement or not ‘cause it just feels insanely strange being calm (well… not calm. Not even collected. And her eyes are burning… but they’re still dry) and this upset at the same time, ‘cause now that she’s started talking she’s really sure this isn’t going to end well, is going to change things and make them bad, more than likely – even if he wasn’t second-guessing after all, she probably upset him by suggesting it and then railing off like that, and she still can’t look up at him ‘cause she’s not sure what she’s going to see – anger, relief, nothing at all – and not really sure which would be worse.
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