Putt-Putt Paradise

[Toni Craft]

When he shoves the old wooden chair in her direction, she consciously has to remember not to roll her eyes. Of course this guy didn't know about her whole weight problem, but there was still no way she was going to sit down on that thing.

"Look, Mr. I-have-a-big-gun-and-I-like-taking-vulnerable-people-hostage, I'm going to be real honest with you on this one. I might look nice and skinny, but underneath, I'm wearing one serious corset. I'm gonna go through that chair like you momma goes through a Christmas Tortiere. How's about I just sit on the floor?" She even drops the act for that. Toni had started to realize that her little facade was not coming off as successful as she had hoped.

“Actually this is just a hobby of mine, stamp collecting gets so dull after awhile... and I'm a little too old for comic books, don’tcha think?”

"Stamp collecting? Really? Got an old guy back home who loves the stuff. Makes a good chunk of change at it too." Toni shifts but keeps her hands in the air, her scared persona completely gone.

"I try to stay out of the family biz, never know when you’re sleepin’ with the big guy’s daughter til WHAM bullet in the brain! No thank you. Nuh uh.”

"You know, kidnapping the big guy's cousin probably isn't much better." She grumbles, looking up at the ceiling as he starts tearing off the duct tape.

"Miss-- Sorry missed your name. Is it Grace? You look like a Grace to me...”

"You wouldn't be the first to say that, apparently there's some chick on TV that looks like me...but it's Toni, doll. And it's a pleasure. I'm going to assume you have some sort of crack-job for a codename, since you're wearin' that funky lookin' getup, carrying all that firepower around, and you look like you should be in a comic book somewheres." Toni takes the moment to use one of her raised hands to scratch her head while giving him a 'you've got to be joking' look.

[antihero]

"--I'm going to assume you have some sort of crack-job for a codename, since you're wearin' that funky lookin' getup, carrying all that firepower around, and you look like you should be in a comic book somewheres."

“Ya think so?” Grins behind the mask. “I’d be an awesome superhero, like batman, only... you know, with guns. And a personality. Need to find some sort of scrawny prepubescent sidekick in pantyhose though... bet if I put an ad in the paper.” Oh he’s rambling, and did he just say ‘hero?’ Whew someone here’s a little on the confused side.

What she didn’t want the seat? Fine, gosh and here he was just trying to be polite. Didn’t stop him from taping her up though, or at least he gets as far as securing her wrists together. If she even seems like a threat he certainly isn’t treating her like one. Cocky shit.

“Your friendly neighborhood Deadpool by the way...” Ha, take that Peter Parker, he just stole your bit! “You probably wouldn’t have heard of me...” Unless of course you paid attention to the news, buncha dirty liars; assassin, terrorist, all around menace to society. Always printing the bad things! What, just last week he helped that little old lady across the street, and before that—kitten stranded in a tree. Okay yeah sure, he had to kill a lot of people, but they were all bad people! ... Mostly. Man, no one talked shit on the Punisher for doin’ his job, why they gotta poor ‘pool a bad rep?

A little more tape and she seems secure enough, a pat to the top of her head for being such a good girl about it. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to introduce a man to my little friend here.”

Ooo and out comes the rifle, pretty piece of work too, complete with a big happy face sticker stuck to the side. He takes a moment to set it up in the window, perfect view of the dirty little motel across the street. Scoots the chair over and takes a seat, tipping his hat up with his index finger.

“Get cozy Red, could be a long night.”

[Toni Craft]

Great, now her hands are duct taped together. Not that it wasn't unexpected though, and it was certainly something she could get herself out of very quickly.

“Your friendly neighborhood Deadpool by the way...”

"I'd say it's nice to meet you, but something tells me that I'm going to be a little sour after this whole thing is through." Toni holds up her joined hands and gives Deadpool a flat look.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to introduce a man to my little friend here.”

"That's an awfully big gun there mister." And by 'introduce' he'd probably meant shoot, and Toni had no doubt he'd do it too. After all, he was dressed like a maniac, had actually pointed a loaded gun at her, taped her up, and had taken both her and an old man hostage. Great. Now she was in an old putt-putt about to watch Mr. Deadpool murder someone. Not good.

“Get cozy Red, could be a long night.”

"Awww...are there any board games in here? I'd really love a game of Monopoly. It'd be perfect for wiling away the hours." As Deadpool gets familiar with his rifle, Toni looks down at her wrists and gives them a tug. As she had suspected, the duct tape stretches a little bit before she relaxes and lets it glue her wrists back together.

Sure the stuff was strong enough to hold back an elephant, but it could do nothing to stop her from escaping and knocking the masked mercenary onto his well-defined, black and red ass. But biding her time would probably be much more useful to her. Not doubt with his motor mouth, he'd give her plenty of warning before he tried to take out his target.

"Yeah, Monopoly would be real nice right now. But I could also go for a round of Clue. I bet you it'll be the wrench, in the bathroom, with Colonel Mustard." Toni settles herself onto the floor and drops her hands onto her lap, eyes darting around the small confines.

[antihero]

"Yeah, Monopoly would be real nice right now. But I could also go for a round of Clue. I bet you it'll be the wrench, in the bathroom, with Colonel Mustard.”


“Did you say wrench or wench?” He peers through the sight for a moment, adjusts his weapon accordingly before leaning back into the chair, feet kicked up upon the window sill.

“My bets say it’s Mrs Peacock in the library with the candle stick. That crafty Mrs Peacock, always the wily one. Can’t trust little old ladies, they may run slow...but once you get them behind the wheel of at car, it’s game over.”

Glances around again. “Oh hey I know, we can play an exhilarating game of eye-spy! Here I’ll start. I spy with my little eye, something that begins with... P.”

Probably doesn’t help that he’s looking right at the fake porthole poorly painted on the back wall. Yeah, so he’s not very good at this game. Attention averts however to the window again as a black car rolls up. What was that a Mercedes?

Come on now; make this harder on me, what sort of fancy ass rolls up in here on those wheels and isn’t screamin’ arms dealer, ple-ease. And what’s with the white socks there Jerry Louis?

He may or may not have just said that out loud, internal monologue is sometimes a fickle thing.

[Toni Craft]

“Did you say wrench or wench?”

"Hmmm...good question...which do you prefer? A wrench is certainly a good bludgeoning weapon, but there's nothing like a good ol' pissed off chick in rags. Now that'll get the job done real quick." Toni yawns and stretches her taped wrists above her head, checking her watch in the process. 5:46pm. Only 44 more minutes until Matty sent out the brigades to find her.

“Oh hey I know, we can play an exhilarating game of eye-spy! Here I’ll start. I spy with my little eye, something that begins with... P.”

"Poop!" Lord knows she can't see squat sitting on the floor, most of her view obscured by the over-hang on the counter. "Pennies! Penguins! Pumpkin! Pumpernickel!" With a scratch of her head she looks up and grins. "Okay! My turn! I spy with my little eye, something that starts with F!" Toni smiles idiotically, knowing full well she probably never got the answer right.

But then he snaps back to his rifle and she can pick up on the sound of an engine. Toni stretches her neck, trying futilely to peer over the top of the counter.

"Oooo! Is it party time? I hope he brought cheesies! I love those little crunchy ones...but they always get stuck in my teeth." She hoists herself onto the balls of her feet and peeks over the edge of the service desk to see the dark Mercedes. "So what did this guy do to deserve getting his head blown into itty-bitty bits anyways? Steal your lunch money in the third grade or something?" Toni shifts on her feet, trying to keep her balance, while using the squatting position to hide the fact that she's stretching the duct tape and freeing her hands.

[antihero]

"Okay! My turn! I spy with my little eye, something that starts with F!"

"French poodle? Or would that be an FP? Are we playing the easy kiddy version?” A beat. “Hey wait, you guessed wrong. The correct answer was porcupine.”

Notices her moving from the corner of his eye. Doh! Why did their always have to be distractions? Eh, it wasn’t like ol’ Jabba was going anywhere, just loitering out front with what looked to be a couple of old queens, chatting on his phone.

Now where’s that partner of yours, Porkchop? The billing called for a duo performance.

“Hey no peeking!” Shifts a little in his seat, canting his head over before waggling a finger at her in a reprimanding way. The rifle is tucked away under his arm again, nonthreatening for now.

Leans back in his chair a little, tottering on two legs, it’s a surprise that it’s even holding his weight. “Who this guy? Took my dear sweet mother on a date and never called her back. The nerve of some people! That and combovers just cheese me off.”

“New round... I spy with my little eye, something that starts with W.”

Either he was the worst mercenary ever and completely oblivious to her escape attempt, letting it slide out of the kindness of his heart, or plotting something.

[Toni Craft]

"French poodle? Or would that be an FP? Are we playing the easy kiddy version?”

Toni makes an obnoxiously loud buzzer noise as she eyes the rather large gentleman by his fancy car. "Wrong!"

“Hey no peeking!”

"Awwww! Come on! I wanna see his brain go splat!" Toni gives Deadpool a child-like pout from her position below the counter. "Pa-weeease?"

"Took my dear sweet mother on a date and never called her back. The nerve of some people! That and combovers just cheese me off.”

"Jeez, then I honestly hope you never show up to any of my family reunions. I don't know what it is about Italians and comb-overs, but mio dio! it is one fugly get-together." And one final tug...woo hoo! I'm free baby! Toni quietly discards the destroyed duct tape onto the floor.

“New round... I spy with my little eye, something that starts with W.”

"Wombat." She shifts most of her weight onto one leg. "By the way, the F?" With a sharp kick, Toni smashes her foot into Deadpool's rickety stool, grinning as the wood splinters helplessly. "F stands for fist. In fact, it's the same fist I'm about to use to shove into your frontal lobe. Now just be a doll and hold still."

[antihero]

"By the way, the F?"

Deadpool turns his head just in time to see her coming for him. And what was it about redheads that made them so gosh darn scary when they had blood-lust in their eyes?

“Wuh--” And there goes the legs of his chair, with a sound akin to delicious rice crispies . Snap-crackle- CRASH! Well hello there floor. Head’s kinda spinning a little, and there’s a shadow looming over him in a very menacing fashion.

"F stands for fist. In fact, it's the same fist I'm about to use to shove into your frontal lobe. Now just be a doll and hold still."

“Yowza, this is sorta like that dream I had last week only you’re not Mother Teresa, and I'm not wearing bunny-slippers.” And despite the fact that she asked sweetly and all, he’s not about to let her smash his skull in, rather he lifts his rifle to block the blow--- and holy crap it breaks!?

Wait? It breaks? That was his favorite gun! Why-I-outta—

He manages to twist back to put enough weight on his shoulders to cat-roll back to his feet, ducking around her because he really doesn’t want her trying that on any of his bones. Glances back out the window, and good... pudgy was still there. He just had to take care of this little situation first...

“I hate to do this to ya Red, but I swore off crazy women who try to maim me for my New years resolution.” Pulls his gun again, maybe just a bullet to the shoulder, he really doesn’t want to have to kill anyone that he wasn’t getting paid to kill.

Of course he also fully expects that bullet to take her down.

[Toni Craft]

[[Umm...did the gun actually go off? *shrugs all confused-like* I'm pretending that it did...]]

Toni hunches over the red and black mercenary, cocking her fist back threateningly. Not that she was actually going to kill him. A simple blow to the head would suffice until the cops arrived, but she finds it far more amusing to let him think that she's going to kill him.

“Yowza, this is sorta like that dream I had last week only you’re not Mother Teresa, and I'm not wearing bunny-slippers.”

"Ye know...the bunny slippers can be arranged..." Toni mumbles, just as she brings the fist down. But then up comes the rifle and WHACK! Right in the side of the head! The wooden butt of the gun groans and snaps under the force, sending pieces of splintered lumber off in a variety of directions.

Toni remains unharmed, but the blow dazes her for a moment, allowing the man beneath her to scurry away.

Just as she turns around to grab him before he makes a hasty retreat, she comes face to face with the sidearm again.

“I hate to do this to ya Red, but I swore off crazy women who try to maim me for my New years resolution.”

"Oh come on! I'm not crazy! Maybe a little deranged...with a kinky sense of humour to boot...but definitely not crazy!" Heh...to boot... "But if you really wanna; go ahead and shoot me." Toni smiles and straightens herself back up as she dusts herself off. Like he was really going to shoot her.

BLAM!

He shoots her!

He actually shoots her!

Toni's surprise causes her to reel back and and stagger slightly as the dull pain seeps up her shoulder. She just stares at him, wide-eyed for a moment, then blinks rapidly and shakes her head.

"Son of a bitch!" The lead round, crumpled from the impact with her body, falls to the floor harmlessly. "I may not bleed or anything, but damn if that doesn't hurt! Like getting pummeled by an angry goat when you're already half drunk." Toni glares at Deadpool and puts her hands on her hips. "Okay, that was fun. Now can I shoot you? S'an eye for an eye, dude." She crosses the distance between them and attempts to grab him again...

But she's distracted when the commotion across the street fires up. Apparently Deadpool's little gunshot did not go unheard...