Turn and face the strain (Storm, others)

[Bobby Drake]

(( OOC: current time, planned. Bobby is having a crisis of conscience about the X-Men; I’m not 100% sure where this thread will go. He might quit, he might not. Anyone who wants in on a mostly Bobby-centered character development conversation, feel free to have been talking to Storm when Bobby shows up and stick around. ))

The last time Bobby was this anxious about knocking on a faculty office door was when he’d come up here to tell Jake about his relationship with John and the atrocities going on at the Mutant Containment Camps. That time he’d walked past the door three times before getting up the nerve to knock on it. This time he’s not evading it, which gives him a little moment of pride as he just walks up to Storm’s door and knocks.

To be fair, that had been a lot worse. This wasn’t going to be an easy conversation, to be sure, but at the very least it was going to start on a positive note… Bobby was finally graduating, and he had his graded final projects in hand to prove it! All he needed was a faculty head’s signature to make it official. His college applications have already gone out and everything.

Granted, it really ought to be Jake’s signature; he’s the official Head for school-type stuff. But the truth is, getting Storm’s signature on the form isn’t his primary reason for having this conversation… and he suspects she already knows that, anyway. It’s not like he’s made a secret out of his feelings after the little glimpse of the future they’d all gotten, after all.

[Ororo Munroe]

Ororo looks up from her laptop. It was already the end of the semester, and she'd been frantically grading final exams in all of her classes. In order to combat senioritis, she'd had Bobby's final project due earlier than the end of the semester, and so he'd been just finishing up normal assignments for the past few weeks. However, she'd had to wait for the grades from Warren, Jake, and Toni. Bobby hadn't taken any of Josh's courses that year - somehow, she suspected it hadn't been an accident. Moving one's relationship from best friends to teacher and student didn't seem like a good choice.

She was proud of how Bobby had finished out his time at the Institute. He'd had some difficulty with his relationship with John, and the Mutant Growth Hormone fiasco, but his senior year grades had been exemplary. Ororo also knew that he'd applied for a variety of colleges, and was waiting to hear back from them.

"Come on in, Bobby." She motions towards the seat in front of her desk. As he sits, she reaches over the desk for the piece of paper in his hands. "You're finally finished with high school. How does it feel?" Ororo picks up her glasses off the desk and puts them on, focusing on the paper. She uncaps a pen and carefully signs her name at the bottom of the form.

Funny how a momentous occasion like this is over with just a signature. Ororo sets the pen down, and looks over the desk at Bobby. "Your diploma hasn't arrived yet from the printer, but I figured that we'd save that for the ceremony."

She clears her throat. "I just want to tell you, well, how very proud of you I am. You've gone through a lot in the last two years, and you've finished out your time here on a high note." She pushes his final grade report across the desk towards him. "Well done. So, what now? Have you heard from any of your colleges yet?" The question was dual-pronged, really. Bobby had been incredibly shaken by how he perceived his future self. Ororo knew it had made him question his path in life.

We've got to figure out what's on in Washington. She had her sources checking into things, and they had to find something. Too many awful things had happened in the future as a direct result of the fiasco in Washington.

[Warren Worthington III]

Bobby smiles and nods and mumbles thanks at Ororo’s compliments, not entirely sure what to say.

> " So, what now? Have you heard from any of your colleges yet? "

"No, not yet. Still a little early. But, the Institute has a great reputation, from what I hear… I guess I’m not too worried." Admittedly, taking five years to graduate high school doesn’t look great on an application, but then again adding a doctor’s note explaining about the whole “being in a coma” thing tends to make up for it.

He hesitates, unsure how to broach the subject he’d really come here to talk about. Finally he approaches it obliquely. "I’m having trouble deciding where my first choice is, though. I’m, um… I’m looking at Sloane." Going to college in Boston would be weird in a lot of ways, not least of which the possibility of running into his family again… but he knows the city, and it’s a great business school, and one of the most mutant-friendly campuses he’d visited.

But more importantly to this conversation, it’s far enough away that there’s really no question of commuting, or continuing on active duty with the X-Men.

"I… " he shrugs, feeling like he ought to explain himself but not at all sure what needs explaining. Finally, he decides to ask the question he’s been trying to avoid asking everyone since they got back. "Do you know why you switched sides? In the future, I mean?"

[Ororo Munroe]

> "No, not yet. Still a little early. But, the Institute has a great reputation, from what I hear… I guess I’m not too worried."

"Yes, we do have a good reputation. Professor Xavier ensured that - I just hope we can keep it up in the years to come." Frankly, with all the strife around the Institute in the past few years, she was astonished the older students were able to get the excellent grades they did. Sometimes the Institute wasn't exactly an optimal learning environment - it was one of the things she would change if she could. "Based on Josh's performance, anyway, the Ivies seem to look favorably on us."

> "I’m having trouble deciding where my first choice is, though. I’m, um… I’m looking at Sloane."

Ororo supposed that she shouldn't be surprised. She expected most of their students to go away for college. They all had bright futures ahead of them. Josh had found a way to stay around the Institute but get an Ivy League education - but she suspected that Josh would have been more than willing to take a leave of absence from the X-Men in order to get his B.S. Keeping his new family (of two, admittedly) together probably had more to do with it. Bobby didn't have any such ties to the area. "I see. How are you feeling about the idea of moving away? Westchester has been your home for quite awhile now." Ororo takes off her glasses and taps them absently against the top of the desk.

> "Do you know why you switched sides? In the future, I mean?"

Storm resists the urge to take a deep breath in. This was the real reason for Bobby's visit to her office. Oh, they had a good enough relationship, to be sure, but Jake was really the head of the school, even if she was authorized to sign all the same paperwork that he was. She looks at him seriously. "I'm afraid I don't. I never had a chance to meet my future self." Idly, she wonders what it would have been like. Jade had told her that there were few differences.

"Not first-hand knowledge, anyway. I did take a solid look through the Brotherhood-X-Men archives, though. Based on that, it seems that I switched sides around the time of Josh's death - when the Institute was destroyed. I'm not sure if that was the catalyst, but by all accounts the destruction of the Institute was when the X-Men went from sliding slowly under the control of SHIELD to firmly being its pawn, which surely had an effect on my loyalties." Ororo stops for a moment, considering. "I don't feel that I ever changed sides, though. My convictions never changed. Speaking hypothetically, of course - it's difficult to talk about this future business. But... the X-Men are an idea, a group of people. By the time SHIELD took over, the roster was unrecognizable. That wasn't the X-Men. Toni, Josh, Warren, me, you... we're the X-Men."

Ororo smiles grimly across the desk at him. "But I don't think you really were that interested in my future. I think you've been thinking pretty heavily on your own, since we got back."

[Bobby Drake]

> " Based on Josh's performance, anyway, the Ivies seem to look favorably on us. "

Bobby grins fondly. "Yeah, well… Josh is a special case. "

> " I see. How are you feeling about the idea of moving away? Westchester has been your home for quite awhile now."

"Well, I have been practicing running two bodies at once…" he starts out cheerfully, then subsides at Ororo’s bland expression. OK, not funny. After his “out of body” experience during the Camp rescue he actually had considered the possibility that his powers worked that way, but thus far he’s had no success with his desultory attempts at putting it into practice.

And it’s completely beside the main point, anyway. The scary thing about Ororo, Bobby realizes – or, rather, a scary thing – is her knack for looking at complex, chaotic systems without getting distracted, and paying attention to the important pieces. He wonders idly if that talent comes with weather control, then decides he’s pushing the metaphor too far… not everything is about their mutations, after all.

And that, too, is beside the point.

"It’s… complicated. I mean…" he hesitates, aware he’s about to give away more than he may be entirely comfortable with, "…well, you know, I’m thinking maybe I’ve gotten too attached to it. To all of this." he adds vaguely. He’s waving at her window, indicating mostly a bunch of trees, but in his mind he’s taking in the whole campus, including the hidden basement areas.

He’s aware that he’s evading the real issue again, especially when the conversation turns to future-Ororo’s choices.

> " Toni, Josh, Warren, me, you... we're the X-Men But I don't think you really were that interested in my future. I think you've been thinking pretty heavily on your own, since we got back."

Ultimately, it’s the flush of pride he feels at her statement about him and the X-Men that lets him overcome his resistance. "Yeah, I have. And that’s the thing, really… I mean, you and everybody else left when it stopped being what it used to be. I stayed." He frowns in confusion. "Will stay. Whatever. You’re right, the future is hard to talk about." And not just because of the grammar.

"I guess what I’m saying is… well, I’ve wanted to be an X-Man since I first heard they existed, you know that. I’ve wanted it more than – well, than almost anything. Especially after Mr. Summers…" he trails off and closes his eyes tightly for a moment, then opens them again. "But after seeing where that led – I mean, where it leads -- I just don’t know anymore, if it’s the right thing."

He’s aware that he’s blushing furiously, not out of embarrassment so much as shame… he’d never imagined himself sitting here throwing the X-Men back in Storm’s face, but that sure does seem to be what he’s doing… he hasn’t actually said the words, and he’s still not sure he would mean them if he did, but there’s no way she could miss the implications. He forces himself to sit still and not squirm, at least.

[Ororo Munroe]

> "I guess what I’m saying is… well, I’ve wanted to be an X-Man since I first heard they existed, you know that. I’ve wanted it more than – well, than almost anything. Especially after Mr. Summers…"

“Then stay. We can use you, Bobby. Besides that you’re one of the people at the Institute with the best control over their abilities, you think. You take this seriously. It’s not a game for you.” Ororo is arguing her best to keep Bobby from leaving - because this it what their conversation is really about - but she’s not sure it’s really the best decision, in any case. The first thing that the Professor wanted was for all of the students to have a good education. Ororo was a good enough administrator to realize that a good education didn’t necessarily mean the same state. She was pleased as one could get that Josh had found a way to incorporate the school (never mind the X-Men, she was happy he was still around) into his college plans. Bobby wanted to get a quality education, and who was going to argue with that?

> "But after seeing where that led – I mean, where it leads -- I just don’t know anymore, if it’s the right thing."

“Bobby… have you ever stopped and wondered whether your future self knew something you don’t? Or perhaps he had an agenda you don’t understand. You’d do just about anything to keep your friends safe, wouldn’t you?” She’s not quite sure he’d buy it, but there was one thing she was certain of. Bobby Drake cared about the Institute and the people inside it. He cared so much that he could burst - or so Ororo thought. “That world was a complicated place. I don’t doubt that ‘Colonel Drake’ thought he was doing his best.”

She adjusts her glasses. “I guess what I’m trying to say is… don’t think you’re destined to become some kind of Hitler. You’re not. Just by arriving in the future, we’ve changed it. I’m going to do everything in my power to prevent that future from coming into being.” Ororo smiles a little. “At the same time, I don’t want to stand between you and a college education. If that’s the true motive behind leaving, I’m fully behind you.”

[Bobby Drake]

> "Then stay. We can use you, Bobby. Besides that you’re one of the people at the Institute with the best control over their abilities, you think. You take this seriously. It’s not a game for you. "

It slowly dawns on Bobby that the real compliment she’s paying him, the one that goes a lot deeper than the explicit ones, is that she’s trying to convince him. Which she wouldn’t do unless two things were true: first, that she genuinely considered him an asset to the team, and second, that she had enough respect for him to believe he’d make up his own mind.

Not that he’d thought she didn’t want him around – Ororo’s not the sort to keep that kind of thing to herself – but it’s almost like she thinks of him as an equal. It’s a dizzying realization.

And not that it really changes anything, but even so… after all they’ve been through together, it’s nice to know.

> " Bobby… have you ever stopped and wondered whether your future self knew something you don’t? Or perhaps he had an agenda you don’t understand. You’d do just about anything to keep your friends safe, wouldn’t you That world was a complicated place. I don’t doubt that ‘Colonel Drake’ thought he was doing his best "

He nods. "Yeah, I’ve thought about it. I mean, it’s hard to know… only ever saw the guy once, during the breakout, and I was still mostly in shock from, you know, falling apart like I did." Which is itself a memory he would rather avoid, so he continues hastily. "For all I know, he figured the safest place for us all was in the Camps, where he could keep an eye on us."

Of course, none of his contemporaries had thought that in the least bit likely. Hell, Toni and Laurie had been prepared to keel-haul Bobby himself on the grounds that even a younger version of Colonel Drake could not be tolerated. So maybe he’s just kidding himself.

> " don’t think you’re destined to become some kind of Hitler. You’re not. Just by arriving in the future, we’ve changed it. I’m going to do everything in my power to prevent that future from coming into being"

And, really, that hits the nail on the head. "Yeah… that’s kind of the point, really. I mean, staying here… that’s what that Bobby Drake did. I don’t just mean for college, I mean… well, that’s what he did. He stayed. Josh died, John died, you left, Warren left, everybody left. I stayed. SHIELD took over, I stayed. We turned into a prison camp, I stayed." He can’t quite meet her eyes, but forces himself to at least look at her glasses. "I mean, let’s be honest here… I suck at this whole letting go and moving on thing. I mean, nobody talks about it, but you know what a fool I made of myself with John… and then there was my brilliant self-medicating adventure, because I couldn’t stand giving up being a mutant… and, hell, if you hadn’t taken that arm away I’d probably still be carrying it around pretending it was part of me."

He shakes his head ruefully, uncertainly. "So… I don’t know, really… but I think maybe, if I’m going to change direction, I need to learn to let go of this place." He realizes he’s let his gaze drop to his shoes, and looks back up at her face, biting his lip slightly. "Does that make any sense?"

He’s not entirely sure why he’s asking… it certainly makes sense to him. After a moment, it occurs to him that he’s sorta hoping she’ll somehow talk him out of it, give him a reason to stay where it’s safe. Which is a funny word to attach to a building that gets destroyed or invaded or both on average once a year, but it’s the right word. The Institute, and the X-Men, have been safe havens for him since he was 15, in all the ways that matter, and the thought of leaving terrifies him.

[Ororo Munroe]

> … and, hell, if you hadn’t taken that arm away I’d probably still be carrying it around pretending it was part of me."

"Maybe so." Ororo looks a little sheepish. "To tell you the truth, that's the kind of thing you can never prepare yourself to do. I was pretty certain that you were just going to have to regrow things... but there was that little, tiny voice saying I was insane for doing it." She raises an eyebrow and glances at his arm. "Things look back to normal now, fortunately."

> "So… I don’t know, really… but I think maybe, if I’m going to change direction, I need to learn to let go of this place. [...] Does that make any sense?"

Ororo looks a little sad. "It does, I suppose. I've never had to worry about that... I don't miss Egypt very much. Sometimes I miss Africa a little... nature and the elements are just a little more unadulterated. But this place is my home now."

"I think, though, that you're mistaking letting go with being more independent." Ororo looks seriously into Bobby's eyes. "I'm all for you going to college and learning more about yourself as a person, becoming more independent of us. I don't want you to let go, though. You will always have a safe place here with us, a home. We're your family, Bobby."

Something that might be a tear glitters in the corner of Ororo's eye. "I expect emails. I want to know how things are going. And I expect visits, too. I can send Josh with the Blackbird, the commute will be nothing. And if you've got any special girls - or boys - to bring back to meet us, I'm afraid they'll have to pass the test first. I'll get Toni working on the DR sim." She pauses for a second. "Something with lots of whirling knives."

Ororo slides the piece of paper back at Bobby, and gets up and moves around her desk. She opens her arms and puts them around Bobby, hugging him tightly. "I'm going to miss you, Bobby Drake. Don't get into too much trouble, alright I won't be there to bail you out."

[Bobby Drake]

> " Things look back to normal now, fortunately. "

Bobby nods. "Yeah. All the new parts work, I -- " he winces and blushes slightly, then continues "um, checked…"

> " You will always have a safe place here with us, a home. We're your family, Bobby. "

He nods again, more affected by that than he wants to admit. "Yeah. I know. And, yeah, you’re right… it’s not like you’re never gonna see me again, it’s just… well, you understand. It’s like moving away from home, I guess. Without the, um, keeping a whole secret double life and then getting the cops called on us and burning down their house and… well. You know. " He looks around, desperately trying to change the subject, and comes out with "Besides, I bet you’ll burn the place down all by yourselves before my first-term finals."

> " And if you've got any special girls - or boys - to bring back to meet us, I'm afraid they'll have to pass the test first. I'll get Toni working on the DR sim. Something with lots of whirling knives. "

Bobby knows she’s joking, but memories of Toni-the-Elder threatening to pulp him like a pumpkin tighten his throat for a moment. He finally manages "Well, I’ll try to keep the profile limited to one of the two standard genders. And, you know, stick within my species… or at least to bipeds. But, hey, no promises. The heart has its reasons, and all that."

It’s weird thinking about meeting new people… maybe even dating new people… who know nothing about him, his past, the X-Men, the Brotherhood, any of it. On the one hand, what in the hell would they have to talk about? On the other hand, wouldn’t it be nice to be able to talk about something else for more than, say, a day? The more he contemplates the prospect, the more exciting it seems.

Except, of course, when he imagines bringing whoever-it-is to the Mansion for the holidays. Not that he’d fall for a bigot, he’s pretty sure… but then again, he’d surprised himself before.

> " I'm going to miss you, Bobby Drake. Don't get into too much trouble, alright I won't be there to bail you out. "

And that, and the embrace that goes with it, is more than Bobby can just shrug off with a lame joke. He hugs her back, hard, and tries not to let the tears show in his voice. "Gonna miss you too, ‘ro. Gonna miss this whole place. Thanks for everything…"

He takes a moment to compose himself and adds, trying for flip and not quite getting there, "Besides… cuts both ways, you know. I won’t be here to you’re your collective asses, next time the Institute gets itself trashed…"

He picks up the signed papers, and heads awkwardly towards the door, not sure what else to say.